Monday, 26 January 2015

Why my marriage isn't 50/50 - and why I don't want it to be.

There has been a shift in the past few decades or so that has changed marriages (in many ways for the better).  No longer are we in the time where husbands work away from the home bringing in the money and wives stay at home with the children, cooking and cleaning.  There was a lot about that set up that didn't really work very well, and for the most part I am glad things have changed.  But with these changes there inevitably comes those who take it a bit too far.

So many people now, seem to think that marriage needs to be a 50/50 equal split of duties at all times.  Like if one person does something, the other owes them.  But last time I checked, it never said "I promise to sweep the floor exactly half the time" or "I promise to cook on Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays, but we have to split the Sundays" in our wedding vows.

I can honestly say there are few times that I have done something nice for Brett because I felt I owed him something.  He and I are partners in our marriage, yes; but not in a business sense where the things we do are transactions that should be equal.  I can also honestly say that I don't think our marriage has been totally equal yet, and I am very happy with that.

When I got sick before Christmas, I would say we were sitting at about 90/10 (at the very best).  The 10% of the time when I was doing anything was only the most basic of my own personal care (like brushing my own teeth and blowing my own nose).  I think Brett even helped me put on my socks a few times.  Was that fair?  Technically no.  But I was horribly ill and Brett picked up the slack without so much as a complaint.

When I make Brett his favorite pie, I don't do it expecting him to then go cut the grass or do some other chore.  I do it because I love seeing him happy (and let's be serious ladies, few things make a man happy like his favorite food).

It seems to me that assuming your relationship (with anyone really) will always be 50/50 is setting both your significant other and yourself up for failure.  No one can be on top of their game 100% of the time - we all need a little help now and then.  If you can find it in yourself to let your spouse be your strength when you are lacking and to be their strength when they need it (whether that strength means cooking all the meals one week or putting their socks on for them), your relationship will inevitably grow stronger.

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